And as she rocked him she sang, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I (don't) think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone (a Hundred and seventy-something) days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I (hope) I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Incubus is always so perfect to express how I'm feeling. I don't want to move away without him. This is torture. I went on a date(?) on Monday (last monday, that is) and all I could think about was how "he wouldnt have done that", and "if I was with him we wouldn't be wasting our time talking about this". 7 whole words. Its a start anyways? Or hes thinking about it (speaking to me) as a drunken mistake. HOw am I to know? I saw him in the hallways at the mall and I just couldn't make eye contact. He has to do it or else I don't know what I'll do. If I look at him I don't want to see what hes feeling. Because I see hate and I see anger and I see hurt, but hardest of all, I imagine I still see love. and I hope to god I don't imagine it. I'm really not obsessive, it just gets to me, y'know? bleh....

The cast party was... interesting. lots of drama from where I was sitting. Cuiran got drunk (tideys doing, or so I hear) and now cora's in BIGGGGG trouble. :( MOnday I worked and had my date, tuesday I went out for lunch with my mom then stayed at Niki's house, which was actually awesome, we had french toast and talked about the musicals and stuff. listened to lee play some music, which was really nice, I almost cried when he played "song for a girl" I think it was called... It hit me really poignantly. Wednesday I woke up in time to hang out with niki for awehile before work... I may have gone home on wednesday night, it doesnt seem likely, but hey, anythings possible. Thurday I dont remember what I did. Thats sad. Friday there was a party at Brianna and Barbaras house, (toga toga toga....) and I stayed at coras and discussed things... Saturday I worked then hung out with ashley and Jenn B. we went to Timmies and played and entire game of crazy 8 countdown.... it was insanity!!! then we went to Tideys and hung out for a bit, saw AJ, his new tattoo looks amazing. I really miss that kid. since he moved away from victoria we havent been close, but I havent even seen him in weeks and weeks. Geoff drove me home after we hung out in timmies FOREVER! we saw scott kidd and talked with him for awhile, that was neat, hes a cool guy for the most part. geoff drove me home, and there were mno blankets on my bed. I was mad, and slept cold. SUnday morning I woke up at 8:20 to leave for work at 8:30, which I did, walking to work is bunk, but I was playing this addictive card game that barbara taught me. its awesome, 'cept so frustrating. its a solatary game, and I havent won one yet!!!! I worked for 8 hours and then hafter going out to dinner with some coworkers, went to barbara and briannas again for a porch campout with them, ryan and alleah. it was low key fun with lots of the obligitory sex talk that happens when you get alleah in a room with pretty much anybody..... and so that my update thus far. Tomorrow, which is really today, I am going to Victoria to hang out with my future roomie and maybe see our new place. I honestly dont feel like I'm running away from my problems. I look forward to at least 8 months or so in Vic and I think it'll be really good all round. I also plan to save for coachella. cuz I'm desperate to go, again. I work on tuesday and then I leave for the ferry to Vancouver, I'm going to see phantom of the opera with my mother on wednesday, which I am unbeliveably excited for. we're seventh row!!!

I put in my last day of work for the 27th of this month. *sigh* I hope I'm making the right decision.

I really wanna talk to him before I go though.... I miss him so much.