You're so Blind - you can't save me this time.

Hope comes from inside... I feel so low tonight

If only you could see it. The stranger next to me - you promise you promise that you're done, but I can't tell you from the drugs.

theres so much

its overwhelming. I can't even bite into the work, because its like the work is a giant peach, and I'm a shark, whose nose gets in the way, and i cant take a bite of something so big its nearly flat.

Seuss tech rehearsal this friday. I work, I can't be there.

I worry about them. Not that they can't do it, because I know they can.... I just do. I feel resposible. I feel like a bad role model.

I have SO much work to do.

I know I said that alrwady, but I just wanted to reiterate, because this is a stream of conciousness-type thing.

I miss Alyssa. She was my rock for awhile there, and now I feel like I'm swimming with no land in sight. Isn't it aweful when you lose your rock? theres a couple of pieces of driftwood around to cling to, but they desintigrate, and theres heavy waters ahead and some whirlpools and sea monsters to swim clear of. but my rock needed her own rock, and I guess I couldn't be that. It is just so frustraing when the best that you can be isn't good enough, you know? Its not like I usually sabotage things with people on purpose, but I sure don't think I've always tried my hardest. But.... well even doing the best I can possibly do, its still not right for her

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I won't heal given time. I won't try to change your mind. I won't feel better in the cold light of day, and I won't stop you if you wanted to stay.

Why did that wreck it? It wasn't perfect but it was working. all I wanted to know was that it was going somewhere, anywhere, I just wanted direction, some sense of purpose!!! Even if it was like, it has to stay like this for three months and then we can have a date, and see how things go from there. but no, what usually brings people closer made you freak out and send you crazy to noweheres-ville. I can still smell you on my skin. that combination of smoke, man, whatever you have in your hair and that cologne, or aftershave. See I don't know what it is, but its there. I am not one of those girls who will let you push me around. If I don't like what is going on I'll change it to the lowest common denomenator, if youre at 5 and I'm at 6 we'll stay at 5 cuz thats where you are. but if you're at 5 and I'm not ok with 5, I want either 6 or 2, I'll make you take it to 2.
(This doesn't make sense but thats ok with me)
I'm just tired of Missed connections. wrong people in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm there for this, but hes not I wasn't there before when I should have been, and for her? well I was at the right time, and the right places, but I was the wrong me.

I never take any pictures cuz I know I'll always be right back. I'm coming Home.

I want a perfect body i want a perfect soul. I want you to notice, when I'm not around. I wish i was special - you're so fucking special.