mostly loves. I have to tell you something.

Its been over a month, I know. I feel bad I really do, but its so hard to blog when you dont have a computer at your fingertips!!!

So much has happened! I'm making new friends:) I'm getting to hang out with the old ones sometimes (shane came over for almost a week, it was great!) living is getting a bit strained..... looking forward to moving, wherever it ends up being. We leave for coachella in 14 days. I am unbelievably excited.

I blew out the fuse again. Jenns coming down to victoria tonight, avec stef and Jackie. Jenn never calls, and when she does its like everythings ok. I wish it made a difference when I told her it hurts my feelings, and makes me feel totally unimportant when she doesnt call. Oh dear me, Life is such a heartache :P:P I have it so good, yet I still find something to bitch about.

lol anyways I have to go. Loves. all loves.





Letters to people I cant tell things.






I have to tell you something

I miss you. I was listeing to mezmerize by soad tonight and I remembered things. I remembered the only surprise party I've ever been thrown. I remember sitting, smoking in your truck with you and your boyfriend. I remember driving up to parksville at least 3 days a week with you and th eothers. I remember falling in love with your dancing. I remember when you were happy. I remember the first time you came to visit me in my first apartment. I remembered your phone number, and how narssistic it was. (I'm such a hypocrite). I remember camping with you, riding around in the back of your truck. I remember you sleeping in, when we all had places to go. I remember thinking about you a couple months after we stopped being friends, when I was travelling, and I saw a pirate ducky. I made our mutual friend buy it for you, because I knew you should have it. I'm sorry for anything I ever did to you that contributed to who you are today. I love you, always, but I miss the person you were. I will always treasure the times we shared, and let you know this: I only ever wanted him to be happy. I only ever wanted you to be happy. Of course I loved him, how could you not? he was someone I respected and admired like an older brother, and wanted to care for like a younger brother. When youre around someone like him for so long, you can't not learn to appreciate him. As a valued friend. I never wanted him to leave you for me. I don't even know if thats why you hate me, but thats the most I got out of the whole thing. WHatever you do; be peaceful, be happy, be joyful be loving, be spunky, be individual and be creative. This is my wish for you.

I know you'll never read this, at least I hope not, but I felt it had to be said. Publicly.



I have to tell you something

Part of me has loved you more since the first time. In a different way. always a bridesmaid, always a bride: youre perfect the way you are.

I wish I could explain it to you, this confusing stuff. Someday we'll make a go of it i'm sure.



I have to tell you something

The other night I had a dream about the fireworks I saw with you. I dont know what I think about you anymore. Honestly. I didnt tell you about the dream because I was worried you'd read more into it than I would have meant. Asking as friends, of course... Do you ever dream about me?

I don't know what I want




I have to tell you something

WHen people ask if we have children, sometimes I wish the answer would be someday, not No. I'm not in love with you, I just want to be part of your life forever. I know that scares you, but I am important to you too.

I dont know what I'd so without being able to talk to you.




I have to tell you somthing

Youre my favourite band. I love everyhting about your music. I would take absolution with me as the only CD on a desert island. But IU'm mad. Why would you cancel us for like, holland or belgium or something? We LOVE you!!!!!!

I want a different new album tho.



I have to tell you somehting

Let me make my own mistakes. I love you, and I want to hear your opinions, not your edicts. I wanna hear all the bad things you did in your childhood. I wanna be able to tell you about the boys (and girls) I have loved. I want to tell you about my sex life, I want you be proud of me and happy with my successes, enstead of focussing on my weaknesses. I want you to be my friends, more then what you are. I dont need guiidance from an authority figure,I need advice from a friend whose alwayds on myu side.

What if I fail you?



Yeahs so I just wrote those, because I felt there were a couple people I havent been totally honest or communicative with lately. Try it, its very cathartic.