Today went rather well! Auditions were kinda really crappy, cuz the song went like c-rap and I forgot part of my monologue. But Idunno, its a maybe I guess. I might get someting..... *hopes* ... *hopes harder* It makes me nervous when there are people I know watching, like Geoff, DC, Trish and Jordan... I'm just lucky that laura and them were'nt there! After, Geoff and I went to Timmy's and went to Marthas where we played Fable till six lol! Geoff got totally annoyed with me cuz I was caffeine buzzed and annoying, but I felt bad anyways... Marthas little sis has gotten soooo grown up, she made a sexual reference today which was a little creepy. Especially because it was about Gareth, and while Gareth and martha are awesome together and I wholeheartedly lurve them as a couple, Its still a little odd for me, cuz martha's still like 12 in my mind, and gareth is... well, our age! thats totally unfair of me, cuz everyone grows up and stuff, but.... Idunno, it happens, you think of people as being a certain age cuz thats how they are in your mind, you know?

ANYWAYS we came back to my house for dinner, which I was too full for anyways because I had SOOOO much popcorn, pizza and goldfish (one had a smirk ;)) at marthas! But there was fun dinner conversation, and I laughed much more than I usually do on a sunday night and Geoff left early (-apparently- he had stuff to do :p), but thats cool, cuz I'll get sleep to start off this school week! (4 day week, than no more!!!!!)

And my daddy gave my a gilbert and sullivan book which made me really happy!!! I am only reading the Gondoliers secton cuz Thats all I know, and it makes me feel cool to sing along with the book. IN WHATEVER KEY I WANT!!!!!!

anyways I must sleep
hugs and Kissish
Jelody

*crosses fingers* I love you Barbara!

monologue/song

He told me to look at my hand, for a part of it came from a star that exploded too long ago to imagine. This part of my was formed from a tongue of fire that screamed through the heavens untill there was out sun. And this part of me - this tiny part of me was on the sun, when it itself exploded and whirled in a great mass untill the planets came to be.

And this part of me was than a whisper of the earth. When there was life, perhaps this part of me got lost in a fern that was crushed and covered untill it was coal. And than it was a diamond, Millions of years later, it must have been a diamond as beautiful as the star from which it had first come.

Or perhaps this part of me became lost in a terrible beast or became part of a huge bird which soared above the primeval swamps. He said this thing was so small - this part of me was so small, it couldn't be seen, but it was there from the beginning of the world. And He called this bit of me an atom. And when he wrote the word i fell in love with it.

Atom
Atom
What a beautiful word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Think of me, Think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye
Remember me, every so often promise me you'll try
On that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free,
if you ever find a moment spare a thought for me.
And though its clear, though it was always clear that it was never meant to be,
if you happen to remember, stop and think of me.
Think of August when the trees were green
Don't think aboiut the way things might have been.
Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying to hard to put you from my mind.
Think of me, please say you'll think of me, whatever else you choose to do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anyways, those are the pieces I'm auditioning today. This was an exercise in my memory skills. I've failed. My memory is so bad now, its like three years till I won't remember any of your names!!!! iep.:( Make-es me sad. Last night we watched a "scary" movie. feardotcom. It wasnt scary except when the dead body moved its head. That was scary. I don't like scary movies, they freak me out, and doen't make me happy I like being happy.

In fact, In response to Brianna's thing, which I answered jokingly before. What I want: To be happy.

Overall, thats the most succinct way to say what I want. Sure I'd like to be famous and loved and all that shazz. but even without those things, I would like to be happy.

Thats why I like my coffee so much! (j/k)

In response to Brianna's "what do you want" post I would like to say: I want Adam Brody. He's just so pretty!!! BY the way, thats not my real answer. I will think about it more and get back to you. Oh, and I want better hair.

Annnnnnyways. Nothing is new. I have no life. except, OOH I do! k, yesterday I went downtown with Laura and we ate at Acme, and she ordered this awesome sushi thing, and It was awesome. Shes so much fun to talk with and hang out with, even when we aren't talking a lot. Brianna: how come you didn't come to MIANP yesterday?

I must sleep or I won't go to school again tomorrow
Melly

I am feeling: Tired, and sore, But content
I am listeing to: Think of Me (for my audition)

The Killer condom vs. Babe

The past couple of days have been uber-crazy and such. "Every morning when I wake up, it all seems like a bad nightmare. But then I reach for my groin and face the absurd facts once more. " - Luigi Macaroni in "The Killer Condom" (a german film) Laura and Brianna and I watched it at Brianna' house on Saturday night. It was fairly excellent, about a condom who bites off male genetalia. On Friday we had Birthday dinner for Jenn at Boston Pizza which was neat. Ferries are expensive, but I bought some. For Barbara, as I have nowhere to go. It was relativly well recieved. But shes not getting any more pressies for a very long time. lol. Than on Saturday I boxed up my life to move from mom's house to her boyfriend Rogers house (up in Sherwood forest!) and than went to work, than went to Brianna's. I had an awesome time with my girls. We watched movies and talked till like 4:30! Than today, I intended to do my homework, but got caught up in cleaning my room. It took me all day, but I was successful..... Sorta. Than tonight I hung out with Geoff, which was awesome, because we're awesome. But now my sister thinks he's my boyfriend. But she is crazy. And won't listen to reason or clear facts. Such as: we're not going out :P I hear that has something to do with it haha.

Tomorrow I have school, hanging out with Kels (YAY!!!!!!) and than studying with Kate for Geography.

Current mood: Bored
Listening to: the dryer behind me


"Life is too damn short and fucked up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. Fuck the consequences, fuck the implications of the actions, to hell with it all... whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence." -Janis Joplin (ps- Iloveyou)
"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid." - Frank Zappa

kissing, dreams and chocolate

I had a really wild dream. I came home after first block and had a nap. I dreamed so vividly, it was hypereality.... the colours were brighter, the sounds were louder and more distinct..... the kissing was more fun :p It was at this New years party at..... someone we all know's house, but it wasn't really his house, and there was this game we played where he kept kissing me on the cheek, and than we were in his room and it was not my cheek he was kissing anymore. See, not a sex dream, just a heavy making out dream. And with the vividity (thats totally a word) of it.... idunno, I can still remember the exact circumstances and exactly how they felt. I'm starting to get antsy. I have had a really good kiss in a very very long time. Kissing is nice. Our society is so sex-obsessed that we totally forget about kisses. (btw, check out Tims blog for more kissing)

I read Chocolat today. It was quite awesome, to say the least. The characters felt very realistic and lifelike. I wonder if the author has written anything else? has anyone seen the movie? Is it butchering the story like most do? On the other hand, Mr. Depp is in it, and I find it very difficult to dislike him. I tried really hard though.

I miss choir.I've missed three practices because of this stupid sickness thing, and I really liked the new music we chose. I want to sing the rock song and when I say rock, and don't mean 'n' roll :p its this gospel song about a river.

Anyways, I'm gunna have some yogurt and a banana. Than sleep. See y'all tomorrow

My current mood: Fanciful.... imaginative, i dont know if thats a mood, but thats how i feel...
Listening to: Muse - Blackout

I never have quite so much time to sleep as I do when I am sick. I wonder if thats why I get sick...... lack of sleep? I've slept over 20 hours in the past day an a half. but I missed two days of work and a day of school so thats kinda crappy. But Sarah got a blog, and Dan got a blog so I never actually have to talk to my friends again!!! :p Daytime TV is so crappy it isn't even funny, theres like Star Trek and Drew Carey. It makes me so sad that I read and fall asleep and wake up to watch TV again! But I'm reading a great book so thats cool.

I like my new hair. But I'd like to be able to cut all the yucky bottom stuff off without taking any length away. Impossible I know, but a nice thought nonetheless. This weekend I helped my mother paint our house so we can rent it out and move in with her boyfriend. Its gunna take forever though! And than she surprised me with an offer to pay half of the cost of my prom dress, which was amazing becaue I was really stressing about costs. Also she wants to take me to Victoria and Courtney to go shopping, so it seems like the one that Geoff and I chose before has been nixed by Mom. Oh well, now it will be a real surprise, if I can keep secrets!!!

I really miss dancing. I still do it every once in awhile, but its not the same, my flexability has gone to shit, but somehow my pirrouettes are better than they ever were in class, they're effortless doubles and triples. I dont know how this game works, maybe I was tryin to hard before. But really, it seems like even with all the stuff that I do, my life is somehow less full. I think dan should wear a tiara to prom. It would somehow make him more manly (boyish good looks and charm ey dan? *clicks at you*) plus it would be very funny. But don't show your mum :P

I had a nice chat with Llowyn today. He's neat. Barbara and he are lucky to have found each other, because they are well suited. I have a surprise coming up, and I'm very excited about it. I like surprises. But I'm usually just so excited about them that if they're mine, I have trouble keeping them to myself. (I can keep other peoples secrets just fine!). Llowyn might draw me a picture. I'm so excited:) I like having things that my people make me!!! (*hint, make me stuff* Just kidding...... no I'm not)

Anyways I've missed so much school! I'm just luck I only have one academic this semester. But i have to come up with that stuff for Cinderella, and my portfolio! AGH! Death!

Currently: wistful.... yet a little manic. (I'm so crazy)
Listening to: Losing my religion - REM

Have you ever noticed how many songs there are about love? It makes me sad that people write as many songs about breaking up as they do about actually being in love. On the subjest of love which I was about to launch right into, check out Tim's blog at www.timshell.blogspot.com and comment profusely.

I have to say I feel pretty isolated right now. My mom is grieveing Ivy still, dad and vicki are too wrapped up in their own lives to pay any attention to me, and it seesm like more and more of my friends are getting bored of me and moving on to bigger and better things. I'm boring. my worst nightmare has come true.

My feeling: Hopeless
I'm listening to: Incubus - aqueous transmission

Thank you for anyone who kept their eyes peeled for my puppy. But its too late. I got a call from my dad just as I was going into work saying that they found her body on the side of the highway. Ack, I hate going places while crying, because its not something you can stop, but it's also something that people feel the need to comment on. (Thanks to J.Ro especially, he was very sweet)

Onward and upward to better things for you babe --{--{@

Anyways, off such a depressing topic.... I don't know there don't seem to be many not depressing topics lately. We had our first ensemble practice today, and while it could be VERY good, it was more than a little frustrating today. Viktor is an amazing pianist, but as of this moment, a fairly sucky accompanist, But i dont know anyone else! I mean theres Laura, but I don't want to stick her with that! she always has to plunk notes for us, and it must be frustrating for her. I had a piece of chocolate today.... no wait that was yesterday, today I had half of a butter tart:)

Anyways, work was long, sleep is short, I'll try to post tomorrow morning when things are looking up a bit more

*distressssssss*

1. My dog is missing, she is small and white, and ran away on new years eve
2. Brad was "getting busy" with some girl on New Years eve
3. I woke up with a very sore neck and NO action on New Years day
4. Tonight I went to a party at Laura's, where Geoff and I were the only people there who were a) single and b) not currently dating someone at the party. While that normally would be rather awkward, but still fine, it ended up being rather painful and emtionally charged. Tim seems to have something mean to say to me at every turn and while expected, this still hurts. Besides which, Geoff, a good friend, seems off-limits for a romantic possibility. Thats fair enough but putting me in a room where theres him, and a bunch of other off limits people showing me what I can't have is kinda frustrating. This is not intended to be discriminatory against couples or even against couples period. I really like you guys. Just noting (on my own journal) how awkward it was for me.
5. I hate work. I don't want to do it anymore.
6. I don't know how I'm going to find money for prom
7. My puppy is alone in the cold and dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or dead
8. I feel very unattractive.
9. I wanted to ask geoff if he wanted to watch movies with me tomorrow, but he went offline.... to sleep i presume.
10. I have 2,614,445,507 seconds left to live, according to www.deathclock.com
11. Loving relationships seem rather unattainable for me, which is interesting because I see no MAJOR flaws in myself . Perhaps all the mutitudes of small ones add up to a major one.
12. I miss Kelsey. and Tasha. and Nicole (though need for nicole has been slightly satiated by panto)
13. the irony is apparent.

Besides that life is fine. I read two good books. and got relatively enibriated on new years eve.... I need something which I can't find. I feel restless, and uneasy. The tension is like butter